I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize