He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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