On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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