There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Im part way to drunk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
