She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
