I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
