Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
