Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She even gives head with a lisp.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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