i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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