ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
