One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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