you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
