I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize