This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
