So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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