do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
