I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
