I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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