I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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