After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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