Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
