I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
