***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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