Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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