Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
