fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
