I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
