Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
