you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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