Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
