I think I died a long time ago.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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