weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
