first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize