Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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