I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I smell stomach acid.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
