and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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