that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
