i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
