and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
