dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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