Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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