doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize