i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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