now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Come share oat with me in your robe
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
