Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
