Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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