Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
