oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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