I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
