I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
