I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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