she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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