You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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