me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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