u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
