Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
try to milk me bitch
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