New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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