I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
