You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize