He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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