sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
