Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize