If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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