I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
