naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
