you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
