Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
