guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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