Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i dont even know how to be here
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
