Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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