Apparently you make a good broom.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
