I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize