people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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