Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
