I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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