Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
