So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
