so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
