I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize