Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
