It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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