I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
