His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
