don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
