there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
