Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize