When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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