everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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