ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize