my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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