Heybabeimwearingurpanties
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
