home. puking in laundry basket.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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