ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
