I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
