That's intense
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
