I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
