have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
