Welp...herpes.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize