Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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