Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
